Should I introduce my child to my partner?
When is the perfect time?
When is the right time?
Will our worlds align?
QUESTION OF THE YEAR, RIGHT?!
To me there is no perfect time, there's no guide, or book on how to do this whole dating thing with a child properly.
When you're dating someone without kids, in a sense I feel the imperative to meet your child is even stronger and hear me out when I say this because just with everything else in life there's pros and cons but one benefit is that you get to see first hand whether "they love kids" can be lived out or not. Being around kids or nieces/nephews in no way prepares you for parenthood and ALL that comes with it. In my opinion I believe that the real test comes once you let them see your life with your child (uncensored) and they have the decision to stay or go. I've been in one other relationship before my current one now as a mom and what I have learned while dating with a child is that you can easily feel like you're living a double life and that can be exhausting. You are constantly wondering when your world is going to align or when the timing is ever going to be right and the real answer is that there is no straight forward one, there is no perfect timing, or even perfect alignment.
Once someone becomes significant in your life you don't want to hide the biggest part of you, you want to be raw in every way. As a mom more than anything you want someone who genuinely loves and cares for your child to a point where outside of me that love is still there if that makes sense? THAT type of love. When you love someone you want them to love every single part of you including your child first but it's not something you can force on someone, it definitely has to come from that person meaning the interest not only that but it truly has to come from a genuine and loving place, they have to want a place in your child's life.
Dating with a child sometimes mean a constant mind battle every single day just thinking about the good, the bad and everything in between. I'll be the first to admit that it's a form of insecurity; this past year I spent a lot of time embracing my motherhood in ways I never have before. I had to tell myself that I am still deserving of love, deserving of that special someone, deserving of something real, and deserving of someone who is capable of loving me + my child. In my opinion a lot of people wait forever because they spend so much time wondering about the things that can go wrong but how about all of the things that can go right? We never speak of the good possibilities and maybe, just maybe if we poor that same energy into the good outcomes we will have one.
I wanted to end this blog post saying that there's also many solid reasons to wait but I just don't believe in putting a certain number on it. Also, nobody can tell you what is best for you and your child which can be an overwhelming amount of power to have for some but it's true - you decide on what's best and if things don't work out or if things take a couple of turns to get to that good point you are solely responsible for your child... NOBODY else.