Updated: Oct 10, 2020
I hear you, I see you, I understand you, and I am with you.
You know it’s one thing to battle with other people but it’s a completely different story when you’re battling with yourself and your own mind. When the battle comes from within, it puts you in a whole different ball game. For me, it puts me in a place of wanting to shut down and be by myself and let me tell you why… I’m a grown woman, a whole adult
How does it sound when I’m not able to explain how I feel or explain what’s really going on with me because I’m not really 100% sure myself? At times the stress, the thoughts, and the anxiety becomes too much to where I don’t feel connected to myself let alone my own thoughts.
How do you tell people you can’t calm down?
How do you tell someone that you can’t stop worrying?
How do you tell someone that you don’t know how to chill?
Sometimes it just feel like my own brain is attacking me but that sounds crazy right? Anxiety is an ongoing struggle, it’s a battle. Battling with your own mind every single day is a scary place to be in.
You ever wake up feeling so good, you’re just ready to take on the world and then here’s your anxiety badgering you about a million things that can go wrong. Now when we think of stigma and mental health we tend to think of hurtful societal reactions based on negative stereotypes. But that’s only surface of the actual problem – those with mental health problems also frequently suffer from self stigma .. this is where a person takes on wider social prejudices about mental illness, internalize them, and starts to believe and incorporate them into their self image.
I had a little rant session on my Instagram maybe about a week ago about how important it is to own YOU! ALL OF YOU! Meaning your mental illness included, your past included, your trials included. I will be the first to admit that certain things are yes indeed hard to accept but I think we get it confused – we should not wear what we’ve been through nor should we carry it as baggage but more so embrace the things we have been through, learn from the things we have been through, and most importantly grow through the things that we have been through.. we have to find a way to have that part of us shine through. Like I always say to yall – you can’t heal what you don’t talk about it. You have to talk about these things and not ignore or suppress the real issue going on inside. Also remember that acceptance is freeing – accept that you have a mental illness. Accept that it may be severe. Accept that you may need to seek professional help.
IT IS OKAY.
I’ve got to a point where I will allow myself to feel whatever it is I need to feel. I allow myself to pray through things, talk through them, and self care my way through it sometimes but I will not sit here and say that I don’t have a therapist or that I don’t carry my anxiety medication in my bag everywhere I go because I do! No shame.
Just know that you’re not alone whoever you are. Keep fighting, keep going.