I’m going to do a Q&A style of this and answer the main questions that I always get!
Q: How are you guys now? and what did it take for you guys to get to a better place? A: We are good now and I am super thankful for that. It took a lot to be honest because we went through hell and it was honestly a very traumatizing experience for me. Speaking for myself – I had to get to a better place with ME first, meaning I had to let go of EVERYTHING, all of that past shit couldn’t matter anymore. All of that negativity and anger I had to LET GO. I had to forgive myself over and over again. I had to take what he did to me out of the equation and I had to stop looking at him as this or as that and start looking at him as Avianna’s father but overall I had to really position myself to get to this better point for my daughter. Q: Was going through the court process hard? A: Yes. I say yes because it was mentally draining and I felt like it was never going to end, I hated it so much! Not to mention the lawyer fees that I am currently stuck with. It’s such a long process and you’re honestly giving the power to someone else to make a decision for you. I remember our judge saying to us “I don’t love your daughter” and it just spoke to me. If you can avoid going to court I would highly recommend that BUT I will say this – I am thankful for it all because going through that led us to where we are now. Q: How do you feel about your child’s father dating other people? and having another person involved with your daughter? A: Ask me this 2 years ago my answer would have been completely different! Lol! but I don’t feel no kind of way. I really try my hardest to trust his judgment on who he allows around our child but above that, I trust God to keep my babygirl safe. Q: Is it hard to co-parent with someone you once liked? A: Nope. Not at all. One thing that I’ve learned through this entire experience is that you have to set boundaries and you have to truly know what you want out of it. I feel like a lot of people struggle with this because they go back and forth. I no longer wanted any kind of relationship with him. I just wanted us to co-parent, that’s all. Q: What are some challenges you face? A: I would say the most challenging thing right now is trying to parent her in 2 different households, well technically three because she’s at daycare M-F but yeah that’s been a bit challenging. We work pretty well together though, as far as communicating about what goes on; for example we are trying to potty train her and it’s hard because things have to be consistent on both ends. Nothing major but still a little difficult. Q: Would you ever get back with him to have your family? A: No. A family can look so many different ways and it doesn’t necessarily have to be me and her dad together to be considered a family. I’ve accepted this a very long time ago that Avianna will have double of everything, double the LOVE and I am good with that. Q: What advice would you give to others? A: That’s tough because every situation is so different! You have to know how to set boundaries!!! You can’t go back and forth on your feelings, on what you want, none of that. You have to keep your child first and at the center of everything. Be open, learn how to listen, and communicating are definitely key things – I had to understand that since we are raising her in two separate households our parenting styles may be different and that is okay. Also . . stop worrying about what the other person is doing in their personal life (not talking about my situation) but I know a lot of other people who do this and trust me I know it is hard BUT you have to take yourself out of that. I keep it on a business level (child talk only) and never on a personal level. Your only concern should be your child. That’s it. I think those were the MAIN questions that I would always get and I hope it was helpful. Every situation is very different but know yourself, know where you are, and what you want for your child then stand on it. I wouldn’t have made it through everything if it wasn’t for God, through this mess I eventually stopped turning to people and I turned to prayer. I let God have his way but I had to do my part as well. Continue to pray over your child no matter what. "The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other." With Love, T.